Wednesday, August 30, 2006

accelerated life/weirdness

I think a recession is in order. I need to slow down my life, things are HECTIC, and I keep adding to it. Stress levelsabsolutely killing any fathom of happiness. Mind races continually. Jacked up and not at all happy about it.

So, 10 days since last post. At one point I was actually doing well with updating this monstrosity.

I released some more work on the comnics website, still carrying on. The last couple of interviews have went insanely well. I'd like to think there's some growth on my part that's helping, but the truth is that I'm just meeting interesting people.

Latest is Jamie S. Rich. He works for Oni press, which is the comics version of The Village Voice. They've been on a role, stringing together a line of incredible stuff, and Jamie's book "12 Reasons I Love Her" looks to continue that line, and raise the bar. He was nice enough to share the script with me, and the thing is freakin' great. Then he gave me a preview of the art.

you all need this book. I repeat: NEED. It will be out in..um... October? I'll check that date and get back to you. I realize those in the audience who reside in France get access to excellent "funny books" on a regular basis, but this one can probably even put a dent in your dense bookshelves.

Drunken Strangeness from a weekend past: We were having a rousing "banger" at a friend's apartment, and I was inside fiddling with the stereo - imagine that - when there was a knock on the door. I go over and open the door - we were expecting friends to show up - and I come over face to face with a shirtless man. Confused, I asked him if I could help him. HE mumbled something - heavy accent - and I figured that he was trying to deliver some food (he had a plastic bag in his hand). I explained to him - I was moderatly drunk at this point - that I didn't know any people that lived in the building at that we did not order food.

He was persistent.

Soon, I gleamed, not a cube, but the fact that he actually lived in the building. So I figured that he wanted the noise to be cut down. I apologized. It didn't do it for him.

The next thing I know he hands me the plastic bag and his business card. In the bag? at least six ponders of Coors Light.

Thoroughly confused, I beat a hasty retreat, closed and locked the door. it was just bizarre. And so, once again, I get drunk and weirdness ensues.

Sometimes life can just be fun.

Ok, going to head off and watch an episode of my latest guilty pleasure. *looks around, motions you closer, whispers in your ear*

Veronica Mars.

I said nothing, understand me?

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen, Celebrity Comments!!

Ok, so if you slide down below the story post, you'll see I have three comments. Two of them are from the author of the comic Phonogram (have you all been good little monkeys and bought your copies?).

He comments on a post where I call him a dirty liar. a no good dirty liar, at that.

Now, most of you know me. If I say: "Damien, you and the French are No Good Dirty Liars", it rolls off. Water off a ducks back. It's something I may have even said in the past.

This time, sadly, it may have been taken the wrong way. It's crazy when these posts get read besides the people I know personally. Sure, it could be a bit of an ego booster, a power trip that people are paying attention to my words, but it's not. Usually because the words people seem to pay attention to are just all wrong. I've since Emailed the celebrity in question with an apology, trying to get my point across that I am not such a dick, I just play one on the internet.

(of course, you, my public, know that that was a complete lie)

Oh well, I suppose it will all get sussed out. I mean, he writes a comic that has a higher readership then this little blog thing (readership somewhere in the - oh, tens of people), and could easily write at the top of the next letters column: Adrian is a dick. It would be taken as fact at that point. Who would I be to argue, the majority usually wins in these matters.

Anyway, I have more work to do, and the long 48 minute wait until noon. Because you're not an alcoholic if you don't drink before noon. And that's the lesson for today, kids.

Ok, enough with the nagging...

It's been determined that I am a complete slacker. I think I mentioned this in an early post. I shall now try to get on track by adding to our little "share-a-story" idea. Beth has mentioned that she would finish it her self, so I've been guilted into continuing! We'll see if she wants to continue from my addition or proceed on her own....

Anyway, the complete story thus far, then the additon: (cue lights)

The Soon-to-Be Titled Story as it Stands

Bridget had three sisters, but you'd never know it by looking at her. She seemed a mess from afar, and when you zoomed in close, you could see the wheels were about to fly right off of that train. It was no fault of her own, however. She had been unceremoniously dropped right into the middle of things, her husband of three years deciding that what he needed more then a loving, committed relationship was an underage girl with an "ass that wouldn't quit" and a sports car that no matter how fast it was driven would never get him back to the youth he was now trying to emulate.

The middle of things was where she'd started, so she should have been comfortable enough in the position. Her entry into the world had occurred during the middle of her mother's pregnancy, rather than towards the more traditional end, causing no end of bother. She'd grown up right smack in the middle of Indiana, a midwestern girl in a middle-class family that had little enough time for its middle child. Her older sisters, twins of a flamboyantly similar nature, kept themselves to themselves, and her younger sister was too much of a tomboy to pal around with Bridget.

Her real trouble, it seemed, was with the number three.

Nothing good ever came of that number, and she resisted the urge to spit as she closed her eyes and saw it there, a giant number three seared deep in her unconcious. Her hatred had gone way past obsession and landed deep in disorder territory.

Last week, the women's group had thrown their annual barn dance and charity auction at the Miller farm in Stuartville. Mary had convinced her that she needed to take part in the bacholerette auction. A bachelorette auction! Who does these things anymore? And with her entry, wouldn't it be more of a yard sale - showing used goods going for a low price.

Still, she played the socialite role, put on a smiling face, and a dress that helped cover some of her softer exterior, and stood in line waiting her chance to strut the catwalk - a piece of cattle being eyed by the eyes of fat, disgusting butchers.

As she waited, Nan came over, that smile of hers trying to cover the vacancy that existed behind her eyes. As she whispered some cooing remarks about how radiant Bridget looked, she pinned a number to the front of her dress.

That number was three.

She looked around quickly, her eyes scanning the room for the nearest exit. Palms sweaty, the scarlet "three" burned on her chest like a brand, Bridget sidled over to the drinks table. Damn midwestern values, she thought as she picked up her plastic cup of warm kool-aid. Somebody could have at least sprung for a keg, anything to help ease the anxiety that was building as she pictured her upcoming turn on the catwalk.

There is no escape from Stuartville, Bridget thought. Every person in the room had known her since she was born, probably knew that story, too, and would certainly notice if she was absent from the auction. Her eyes lit on a huddled group of the town's finest boys in blue. Just great. The last thing she needed tonight was to run into Carl.

Carl was the typical mid-western stud, with the usual resume. High School quarterback, voted all American, Blond-hair, blue eyes, chiseled physique. Father's wished he was their boy, and Mother's wished they were 20 years younger. And, to Bridget, one giant asshole.

She was sure he'd be out there with his pals, slapping each other on the back, and blatently drinking cans of some sludge that they tried to pass off as alcohol. Even though they'd all be in uniform, there was no one who would put think that there was anything illegal in their actions. These were the boys in blue and in this town, they weren't just the law, they were above it. Lesser dieties who blessed the town by walking the streets.

Carl smiled inwardly at the thought. No, there will be no trouble tonight. He felt like he had the situation under tight control. He sighed as he stole a look at a couple of girls with numbers pinned on their dresses. Stuartville had quite a small pool of good-looking women and most of them were already married.

His eyes caught a familiar face as he turned his attention to the drinks table. Missus Bridget Millett was looking at him across the room. Her short jet-black hair swung in the air as she abruptly turned her head towards the front stage. Look who we have here, he thought, a soon-to-be-divorced beauty and she was checking me out. He then noticed the number at the top of her dress and he couldn't repress a broad smile. He might place a bid at the bachelorette auction tonight after all.

Bridget noticed his return gaze and the smirk that came along with it. Turning away in disgust, she tried to shake off the chills that crept up her spine. If he made any move towards her, any attempt to talk to her, she was out of there, no matter how it might look to the rest of the town. Wasn't it enough that she had faced them all after Barry's adventures in babysitting were common street corner gossip? That she'd kept her chin up through the messiness of it all, even when he'd taken the teenage tramp off to Chicago, where everyone knew Bridget had always wanted to move? Now he'd ruined that dream for her, too.

She pushed Barry and Carl to the back of her mind and focused on the events unfolding on the stage in front of her. Nan was standing up to the microphone, tapping it lightly with one perfectly manicured fingertip. She cleared her throat delicately a few times to get everyone's attention, although her efforts were lost on the teenagers, who were steadily growing noisier with every sip of their drinks. When most of the eyes in the room were on her, she launched into her well-practiced spiel.

"Now we all know why we're here tonight, and it's not just to win a date with one of our eligible young bachelorettes." At the mention of the word 'young' Bridget lapsed into a sudden coughing fit and was rewarded with an arch look from Nan. She continued. "This is about helping out our schools, and we all know they need it. So dig deep, citizens of Stuartville, and let's make a difference together." She finished a flourish of the arm and waited for the polite applause that followed.

Helping our schools, sure, thought Bridget. Helping them pour more money into that stupid football team while the music and art programs are going out the window. Not to mention that stink about the book the grade 11th English class was reading last spring. More money for the censors' pockets. If there was one thing she hated, it was censorship. As if a few curse words nullified the value of a great American novel.

But she'd promised Mary. She gritted her teeth and managed to flash a smile across the room at her younger sister. The other bachelorettes were reforming the line, so it looked like the auction was about to begin.

She took a careful step out onto the runway, where last night the local 4H club had marched their prize pigs back and forth for judgement. She was having trouble disccerning the difference between last night and the present. She looked down at the jet black pumps that she was wearing, and trying not to stumble. As she made her way to the end of the plywood catwalk, she heard Nan's voice over the PA system.

"Here she is, gentlemen, one of the catches of today's auction. You know her and love her, the soon to be legally available: Bridget Millet"

Thanks, Nan. You bitch.

"Take it off!" This was from one of the teenage punks. At least, she thought it was. With that bunch of cops in the back, you could never really be sure.

"Five Dollars." There was no mistaking Carl's voice there. She tired not to concentrate on the proceeding, putting full effort into keeping the smile upon here face. It was difficult work.

"Twenty Five." Not sure who that was, she really didn't care. It wasn't Carl.

"Fifty." Carl again, damn it.

"One Hundred Dollars." Mystery voice again, and suddenly there was no other sound. Money like that being thrown around in this town was a very serious ordeal. Suddenly, the aucion was fun for no one.

"One Hundred and Seventy-Five Dollars." Uh oh, Carl. Bridget knew him, and she knew this wasn't about Bridget at all. Someone had the balls to go against him. Now it was about winning, about saving face. She was doomed.

Silence.

The moments ticked by, moments in which she could envision Carl's sadistic smile as he came up to her to claim his prize. Where that smile led to, she tried to push out of her mind.

Someone cleared their throat, she felt like the entire audience was shifting restlessly, just as uncomfortable as her.

Finally, Nan broke the silence. "Well, it looks like we have a win-"

"Three Hundred and Thirty Three Dollars."

The audience gasped as one. No contest, whoever the mystery voice was, he had one. Simple. Easy.

Bridget held her hand up to block out the lights that were concealing the majority of the audience. Scanning from side to side, she looked for any movement, any indication of who her saviour was. Suddenly, the sea of people parted, and out stepped her unlikely Messiah.

It was Joe Markey, high school senior.
--------------------------------------------

ok, there's my lengthy addidtion to this tale. I actually wanted to move it in this direction a while ago, so this addition was pre-meditated. Funny, you'd think with all the extra time, the writing might be better. ah, alas, it is what it is.

Now then Beth... do you take the reigns or have we parted ways on this particular tale?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

That No Good Dirty Liar or We've Been Overtaken!

Well, long time...

So, Phonogram #1 hit the stores today, and it is excellent. Sadly, the author did not use my email for the letter page as he promised. I'm trying not to show I'm disappointed. Honestly, not sure what he wanted of mine, anyway. I think it was the following :

------------------------------

You'd be amazed at how undominate Oasis was, probably at how quiet the Britpop movement was overall. (Sorry, I had to respond to this) I remember there being a big buzz about Oasis when they firt came out, and talk about an impending war betweeen Blur and Oasis for world domination. However, in the states, it didn't really happen that way. I get a lot of what is going on over there across the pond from imported music magazines (mostly Q and Mojo and Uncut.) When Oasis started there was this fantastic show on MTV called 120 minutes. It aired at midnight on Sunday, and really showcased the music that wasn't getting popular play. At the time they gushed about Oasis and how big they were. I went out and bought that first album, and didn't quite see why they were so big. I liked it enough, Cigarettes and Alcohol, Supersonic, Live Forever all great songs, but there was a lot of other stuff going on that us kids were listening to (a little group called Nirvana.)

I still have a lot of friends who would barely know Oasis. Now, they did become successful over here, mind you... Live Forever was what got them noticed, then Wonderwall really made them stars... but they were an enourmous entity in England way before that (or so I'm told.) Blur had Song 2, which got them mainstream airplay over here, but their earlier stuff was largely ignored.

The biggest crime is that the album "Different Class" by Pulp remains one of the better albums of the last 10 or so years, and not one of the songs ever got national play in the USA. We had to wait a year for their "We Love Life" album. England's pop and USA's pop is so amazingly different sometimes. Sadly, there are thousands and thousands of us who are into alternative/indie/whatever thelatest buzzword is, and we'd all benifit immensely from a good portal into Britain's pop music.

I always find it rather sad that the good ole' USA was pretty much the birthplace of rock and roll - the gritty R&B from the south becoming popularized by Chuck Berry and BB King and the likes - and yet, Britain took that sound and has held the rights, and world dominance, since. Not sure how that happened, how we lost it (though the Beatles had everything to do with it.) A favorite "late night and shit-faced" activity is to sit around and whine about how of the greatest rock bands of all time, none are from over here (Zep, Beatles, Stones, U2, Floyd, etc). When we try to find the ultimate USA rock band, the best we usually come up with is Aerosmith. It leaves a bad taste in the mouth.


------------------------------------

Typical whine-whine of how USA really didn't keep the rock n' roll thing too well. just a matter of opinion I suppose.

so, anyway, no print for me. I suppose the only thing left to do is get something published and crush these people beneath my god's paw.

Oh, and I am really and truly slacking right now. I recently interviewed a comic writer on Saturday, and have yet to type the thing up. The fact that I am out of my house 15+ hrs per day has a little to do with it honestly. I need to get to it, and soon.

I just noticed I can now use a google account to log into blogger. So blogger has been picked up by "The Man." Not sre if I'm supposed to be angry or not. I think... I don't really care. I did notice a higher number of comment spam, so that may be a sign of things to come. You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have... the facts of life.

Oh, Beth has mentioned that that share-a-story idea has fallen to the wayside. she blames me. she is accurate. I still want to finish the damn thing, and she's going to, so I guess we're going to submit our own conclusions. I feel like i'm in English class. Maybe I can stretch the due date by going on a school approved field trip. it used to work.

Going to CA the first half (at least) of September. The condition red state of air travel does have me freaked a little. If they ban PSP/DSes (gameboys for the non-hip crowd), I may have to cancel the flight. The terrorists would have won.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Thanks for playing along at home. I'll check in with you guys later.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Well, hmph!

Ok, so I make my 100th post and no one leaves a comment? well F all of you!

Thank GOD for the weekend. This week was just brutal, and I feel like I could sleep for years. Of course, the frosty beer in my hand and the old-skool rap blasting out of my stereo are convincing me otherwise. Tonight could get ugly.

Anyway, work is crazy, my side gig is crazy (oh, that part where I posted the article that didn't make the cut? it made the cut. So you guys got an exclusive advance screening. I treat my public well), everything is crazy. Thank you beer, yes I will take some liquid induced calmness and blackouts.

Well, looks like I gotta run.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

*The blaring of trumpets*

Ok, so this is officially my 100th post. I know some of you are out there with your 1000+ post blogs and are turning your noses up at me, but it doesn't matter, this is a personal achievement. So back the fuck off, bitches.

Now, this being Number 100, you'd think I'd do something special. Well, you'd be wrong. I want to do something special, but I don't know what to do, so instead I'll do what you'd expect.

I'll bitch about something.

Last night I went to Phoenix at the Trocodaro. I really like that band - I've seen them nefore - and they were as exceptional as expected. Seriously, let us put aside our general distaste for the French and acknowledge they're talented. If you don't have any CDs, go! run! buy! And if they play anywhere near you, try to get out to see them. you won't be sorry. Well, maybe you won't

See, I got to see them free, which is an added bonus. I would have paid, but the show was by "invite only". Which simply meant grabbing a ticket at the local CD store (found a new music store I love. AKA in Philly. good times)

SO, free ticket, great band, 21+ which means that I could booze it up, and check out all females in the place without feeling like a dirty old man. They were legal. I mean ALL THE WAY legal, not just 18.

Unfortunatly, I realized there are two types of girls in most of these types of situations: The ones I wouldn't sleep with, and the ones who wouldn't sleep with me. So it goes.

But, and here comes the real bitch: I had to sit through the Frnch Kicks. Now, this band, this FUCKING band has no reason to exist. they are horrible. completely and utterly terrible. If you try to argue this point, you are wrong, and you have no taste. shame on you. Anyway, this band - to use the term loosely - has somehow managed to open up for the majority of bands I have seen in the past few years. I've seen them more then any other bnd. And they keep getting worse. They are dirty, and deserve to be destroyed.

ok, moving on.

Oh, great news, you'll all soon have to bend down and kiss my... ring. That's right, I'm going to be a Godfather. I will be my nephew's godfather in October. The Godmother is our friend, the very attractive (and very married) Nikki. I've already tried to convine her that me being godfather and her being godmother we'd need to consummate the relationship. I'm not sure if she's buying it or not. I'm going to have to say no. I don't know that I'm giving up just yet. Because, no one beats a dead horse quite like me.

Ok, that's all I have for now. Oh, some new stuff on BrokenFrontier.com should be coming along soon - interviews and such. I'm trying to put together an actual article, but can't seem to find the time. I'll have to try to put aside some time this week. Sadly, work - the one that I get paid for - has other ideas. I am serious when I say I need to put my resume together, it's getting that bad.

Ok, I need to log off and eat some ice cream. It's time to relax. Night, all! And onward to the next 100 rants!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I, Weenie

Sometimes I get random memories come back to me out of the blue...

One memory that just came to me was when - in 7th grade I believe - our school had a talent show. Now, all the cool kids entered and did some cool dance routines and lip-syncing and whatnot, but that wasn't for me. I may have done a lot in my school years, but being a cool kid was not one of them. Instead, I saw the talent show as a perfect time to embarrass myself. And two of my best friends. See, I thought I had a shot at winning this talent contest (and yes, I realize now there really isn't much of a contest in grade school... it was more for the popular kids to have some way to flex their superiority), and what better way to win then with a handwritten play. brilliant!

So, I grabbed my friends Troy and Viet (who was Vietmanese and had a brother named Nam. I kid you not. But the real irony is that the sister's name was Kim).. And, sitting in the living room at Troy's house, I concocted a super hero story. Now, I can't remember all the details, like the names of the heroes (I'm pretty sure one was Shorty), but here's what I remember. When Troy and I were in our civilian mode (He was the main hero, I was the sidekick, and Viet was the arch-nemesis) we would be normal size. But - and here's one of the big gimmicks - when we transformed into our alter-egos, we walked around on our knees. See, when we became powerful, we became smaller.

I told you, genius.

We did wear masks, and at one point, the arch enemy attempted to Mousse us. We didn't have money for props and so searched Troy's house for dastardly weapons, latching onto his mom's hair mousse.

That's about all I remember. I'm sure if someone had film, they'd consider it blackmail material. however, for me, it would be something to cherish. I only wish I had a copy of the hand-written script. It would be worth so much to me. Even if the result of reading it would be to confirm my place in the wallows of geekdom, it'sd be worth so much to me.

Still, as fuzzy as the memories are, I'll always cherish the thought, as I had two friends who had my back, even at the cost of ridicule from the entire school.

I had not intended for that to be sappy, honestly. And part of me is chuckling at the thought of us running around on our knees. Anyway, I'll be sure to bitch a little next post, I'm do.

Oh, and next post is #100. I may need to dress up for that one.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

What's going on

A lot, and not a lot here. Got some more interviews lined up for the website (shameless plug: www.BrokenFrontier.com), which is cool. One of my personal faves. More on this when I get responses and they see print. I need to learn to keep some secrets.
I'm trying to learn to type using the home keys. It's a little slower then hunt and pecking, but I hope in the long run I'll be more efficient.

I finally started some semi serious writing of my own, including a comic script. Let's keep that to ourselves, though, as nothing may come of it.

Just watched some fierce America's Next Top Model. Not because I fircely chose to, but because the fierce g/f was watching the fierce show. If you've never seen it, you won't understand what's so fierce, but Tyra Banls knows what's firce. She kept saying fierce.

And before anyone makes fun of me, I wasn't watching it, I was watching Tyra's breasts. i'm absolved of my sins.

Work has been an ass-kicker. Still, it's keeping me busy. I almost feel less stressed since it's been so busy. I'm weird like that.

Hmmm... what else. Oh, I wanted to share a little email I got from Warren Ellis (he writes comics, and it was to his email list, not to me personally). It's one of the most devestating things I've ever read. I want to write something like this one day. That's my life goal.

Here it is:
------------------------------------------------------
The little girl sat crying on the park bench, clutching a pink
backpack with an envelope sticking out of it. I sat next to her,
phone in my hand. “Are you lost?"

"No. My mummy and daddy died and I have to live with Grandma
who hates me so I'm running away."

"Oh, honey," I said. "I'm so sorry about your parents."

"Grandma makes me do horrible things and when I complain she
makes me read the note mummy and daddy left me before they died."

She gave me the envelope. The note inside read:


"You made us do this."

-------------------------------------------

Isn't that amazing? Just so WICKED.

Anyway, that's it for now, have some more work to do. Check in later.