Bwahaha

I was reading through the comments on this blog o' mine (I keep thinking someone's going to leave me some super secret message. Hopefully involving free money and/or nakedness. good nakedness hopefully), when I noticed this comment:

"As for the black players, well, they're the one who play best so they are on the national team. It's like US basketball or football: you want the best athletes on your team and that generally means you don't see many jive turkeys there..."

That's why you and I were destined to be great friends, Damien. I have never heard anyone else besides my father use the term "jive turkeys" so well. A tip of my hat to you.

I mentioned that I'd publish some of my "outtakes" from Broken Frontier here, so below is my first one. Right now there is a huge event in Marvel comics where half of the heroes are pushing for super-hero registration. The other half are naturally against it. Anyway, this was a simulated letter to J.J. Jameson publisher of the Daily Bugle from a rural superhero. I thought it was amusing - though probably not as funny as I intended it to be. Anyway, for those of you who haven't surfed away when I started talking comic books (anyone? hello?), here is my article:

Mr. Jameson,

When it comes to superhero registration, all I see before me is the future. I mean, this is it; this is my opportunity to make a difference. I can come up with a name, slap on a costume, and become a hero. A government-backed hero.

Many people are up in arms about what is happening in the world today, that our heroes are being forced to come out. Well why the hell not? Why shouldn’t they? They’re citizens of the United States (or some other country) and should have to be responsible for their actions as law-abiding citizens.

The fact that such high profile heroes as Captain America… Captain AMERICA… are not obeying the law is disgraceful, and it is sending the wrong message to the world. It’s telling all the young up-and-coming superheroes that they don’t have to worry about their responsibilities. They are above the law, and can ignore the basic rules that keep our society civil. And that’s the most common fight during these trying times: that the heroes have to put themselves in jeopardy by admitting their alter egos.

Well, when I was born I had to have a birth certificate. I had to get a social security card. My car is registered to the state. My mom pays taxes on our house. As far as I’m concerned, I already am registered with the government. And soon, my status as a superhero will be too.

The truth is, I’ve been waiting for this opportunity, and I’m not going to let my chance pass me by. See, I know what the real reason that is preventing people from registering. They say it’s to protect themselves, to protect their families, but that’s not what the real reason is.

The real reason is that registering takes away their advantage. No longer will being a superhero be some exclusive club for only the lucky few and the privileged. With the registration, and the formation of a government-funded super force, a hero will have to prove himself. But more importantly, more then just the few will have the funding and support to choose the lifestyle, to fight the good fight.

I’ve tried to go out and do the right thing on my own. With no means of support I’ve run around the neighborhood night after night silently trying to protect the citizens of Mertztown, Pennsylvania. Let me tell you, it’s hard and unrewarding work. When I wasn’t saving someone’s house from being attacked by a bunch of bored teenagers and finding peoples lost cats, I was looked on like I was some kind of freak. And during my adventures, I didn’t make one red cent. I had to work two jobs just to get by, to be able to afford the various pieces of my arsenal I needed. Plus, out in the country, you’d never imagine how hard it is to get your hands on some of the more powerful items I’d need to be truly effective. I couldn’t find a Bo staff let alone a particle modulation ray.

Then, every morning, I’d have to open the page of the paper and see pictures of Spider-Man swinging through New York, his costume gleaming in the sunlight because it was so clean. And Captain America? If I remember correctly, he has a shield made out of some top-secret government material, such as adamantium or vibranium or something else that the public doesn’t even know about yet. I wonder how much overtime at the local Burger Shack he had to work for that…

Spider-Man revealing himself puts him at about 15 years old when he started, two years younger then I am. Think about how much good I could have accomplished over the past two years had the resources allowed me to use my powers to their full potential. Maybe instead of wasting their times writing about the heroes in some city a three-hour drive away, our local papers could turn their attention here, allowing me to receive the praise I so righteously deserve.

Many people fear that becoming a public civil servant will add danger to their lives, which is true. But life is dangerous every time you step outside the house. I’d never go anywhere if I thought I’d be in a car accident every time I started my car, and like that, I won’t stop going on patrol. Plus, the government will have in place a support system to shield our identities from the public if we choose that route. For years people have served in the armed forces, and yet America’s enemies have never come directly after a soldier’s family.

So now, thanks to the superhero registration those of us struggling superheroes out in the world will get a chance for their time to shine. The world is an ugly place, and heroes are needed in all corners of the country, not just New York.

And one last thing… maybe some of these heroes are scared because they realize their time is up. We’ll soon see try outs, required physicals, tests for placement within the pantheon of the superheroes, and that scares the vets. Without the advantage of unlimited resources, they’ll have to prove themselves other ways. And how are they going to deal when the younger generation steps up? A younger, smarter, STRONGER generation? By shunning the registration act they are trying to keep new heroes down, to keep their jobs secure. Well, step aside gramps, our generation is here, and we aren’t afraid to step up and announce our attentions, to reach for the golden ring supplied by the government, to be all we can be.

-Johnny Atoms

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The fact that this guy would call himself "Johnny Atoms" is ludicrous. I love crappy heroes, I am drawn to them like a moth to flame.

just foolin' around

I'm trying to blatently rip off a good idea from a very popular website, so this post really has no purpose. I just wanted to see if I can makwe something happen by copying their html.

twoooo dollllllars

Well, it worked. See how it says something, then when you hover over it iit says something else? That's a cool little trick. Let me try one:

franks and

so sweet!!


See, I educate the masses when I'm not ranting. I'll probably throw up some articles which I have written that haven't made the cut for www.brokenfrontier.com. I mean, I wrote it, so it still has to be worth reading. right? I said, right? anyone? bah, whatever. jerks.

*Sigh*

Well, my vacation is almost at a close. There is the old adage: “There are many fish in the sea.” Well, whoever said that was a filthy liar and can right go on and fuck themselves. After a week of non-stop fishing I can pretty safely say there are NOT a lot of fish in the sea. Six straight days of fishing has resulted in 2 barely legal fish. Bah.

I am known not to be a big lover of the beach, all that sand just pisses me off – it gets everywhere – and I go on these vacations to avoid the pissing off. The only pissed I want to be on vacation is of the drunk variety. SO the one day I go to hang out at the beach, I have to deal with the storm enhanced waves. That ocean was brutal. The undertow carried me at least 50ft. with each pull. I tried using a boogie board – a piece of foam that does not boogie at all – and was able to ride one wave before it filled my lungs with a gallon of salt water then ripped the leash from my arm. It was quite a bit of fun, actually.

The plus side was that the family decided to retire to the pool instead. Much more my style. Cool off, dunk the niece and nephew, then lounge in a chair beer in hand. That’s the life for me.

Overall, a successful vacation. Very unstressful. It’s weird, but I feel like I miss my anger. My constant fits of rage that my job inspires in me have been nonexistent on this vacation, and my mind doesn’t know what to do with itself. I feel if I lived on this little island permanently a drug habit would be much needed.

I had intended to do some writing, but never really got the chance. I did a lot – a LOT – of reading, but this is about the extent of my writing for the week. It’s ok, though, as with how things are going on with the comic book site and all, I feel like I am actually taking a break, not procrastinating. I did manage a bit of daydreaming, thought up a new story idea, and intend to go full bore when I get back to civilization. Hopefully, I’ll manage to churn some stuff out, and I’ll try to publish some random crap here (I really have no other outlet, so I force it upon you, unsuspecting readers. Now shut up and take it!)

Oh, one last bit, I did get to play Memoir ’44 – a game I bought a month or two ago – for the first time this week with my nephew. It is a fabulous two player game and it really is easy to play. I question how much strategy is involved, as my nephew managed to defeat me on several occasions, but I did help him out when he missed an opportunity. Plus, there is dice rolling involved, and I am always at a disadvantage for some reason.

The other game we’ve been playing non-stop? BOGGLE. That’s right, I got the family hooked on one of the best games ever. Of course, they have yet to defeat me. My dominance at that game amazes even myself. OK, time to enjoy my last few hours of vacation before returning to the grind.

A look to Vacation/self-promo

I have two days left of work, today and tomorrow, and then I'm off to a family vacation for a week. This will be my first extended vacation in over 4 years. It will be wonderful.

This is my 94th post according to blogger.com. If I keep this up, I might lose my lazy title. I'm not at all comfortable with that. I'd love to do something cool/special for my 100th post, but the truth is, I wouldn't be surprised if I log in one night trashed just to bitch about what someone said at the bar. and then my 100 will be nothing but business as usual. Eh, it's a living.

Heard back from Mr. Gillen who I interviewed for Broken Frontier. He will be using my email for the first issues' letter column. I demand that you all go buy Phonogram from Image when it comes out on August 2nd. Don't worry, I'll probably buy several copies for those of you who can't find them, let me know...

I have another interview up... linking now: http://www.brokenfrontier.com/lowdown/details.php?id=438

It's an interview with the head honcho at Top Cow Comics. I actually wrote an article discussing the comics-on-demand scheme that they are working on. That article was what I submitted as a sample to the owner of Broken Frontier to get my gig.

The owner is from Belgium, and he wants me to come to visit. Which I'm contemplating. I figure if I do it, I might be able to hop a train and head over to France. I'm really thinking hard about it... most likely try to do it next year. the biggest drawback is that I wanted to go to Ireland next year - something my dad and I have wanted to do for years now - and I don't see having enough time to do Belgium, Ireland, and France. Plus, I'm sure if my family that still lives in Germany were to find out I was in Europe they'd be offended if I didn't pop in.

And now, a tip... if you use Firefox, and listen to music, you owe it to yourself to download FoxyTunes (www.foxytunes.com). It allows you to control your player right from the browser, so now you don't have to stop viewing porn, er surfing the web, to change songs. And it's a freebie. which is a plus.

I'm not sure how many of you check out www.lifehacker.com, but you should start reading it. I have an RSS feed on my homepagfe so I can see the tips all day long. This may be my favoritest site (not written by me). Not about videogames, music, porn, or comics it seems like an odd choice for favorite. But the knowledge I have acquired from this ste ovber a week is immense.

World Cup Action...

I'm typing this up while waiting for the penalty kicks to decide the results of the world cup. I figured I'd write up my feelings because I've watched a soccer game this year - so I'm an expert now.

1. Someone should have told Italy's offense that the Championship game is, in fact, a full regulation game. You have to play longer then the first 20 minutes.

2. Zidane, you asshole. Wow, what a foul. No matter how this ends, that's what will be remembered. In his defence, no matter how shocking and classless the foul was, I think he got incorrectly red carded. Sorry, but those officials didn't see that, they saw the replay. As nasty as it was, he should have remained in the game.

Still, if something is going to get soccer into the dense heads of average Americans, a foul like that could do. Us and our love of unremittant violence.

Ok, penalty kicks coming up... my guess? Italy comes away a winner. I think their goalie is better. But, I'm still cheering for France. Even if Henry isn't in anymore (and Ribery was spectacular).
Italy scores the first kick.
France fires back, even the scores.
Italy gets their second. up 2-1. Can either of these goalies stop a shot? (Jens Lehmann would have been all over that shit!)
France bounces off the cross bar! No stop required!! Is it all over??
Italy gets another shot. 3-1. This is tense. THIS is why soccer is the world's favorite game.
France gets their next goal... this is some great television. 3-2 Italy.
Italy drains one yet again. Seriously... message to goalies: STOP A FUCKIN' SHOT.
But not this next one. Sangol with the kick... it's good!!! France is hanging in there.

Ok, this could be game. A stop or a miss is needed. Deep breaths. Grosso.

fuck.

Italy made it. So, for the record, not a single shot was blocked. Now, I know penalty kicks are difficult, I used to play soccer, but come on... not one:? This was the world cup.

Ok, well it's all over. Italy won. Frnace second. My beloved Germany third. Maybe I can prevent the g/f from finding out. She knows nothing - nothing - about soccer, but she knows how to gloat. fucking Italians.

Anyway that's my live coverage of the penalty kicks of the World CUp '06. Thanks for tuning in.
And sorry Damien.

Hurray!

Ok, I'm writing this post at 4AM, and it's not fueled by alcohol for once. Well, not entirely, anyway. No, instead I was woken up by a phone call. Now I generally hate late night calls, I always assume it's something bad, but this particular phone call was a very good phone call.

My long-lost friend Michelle finally - finally - called me. The whole two of you who have been reading this thing since way back when may remember me mentioning her, that I emailed someone who knew her tryiong to search her out. Well, it turns out she did get the email, just never got back to me before. SO why now? Well, it turns out her best friend came across this little blog of mine and somehow read about a girl with a machine gun laugh. So she forwarded the link to Michelle, and she got around to calling.

It's important to note that this LONG delay before contact doesn't bother me at all. With me devoting so much of my time to being lazy, I appreciate laziness in anyone who knows me closely. heh.

So, if you read this again: thanks Nikki, I really appreciate it.

Michelle's doing well, hob-knobbing it out there in Hollywood. Good news is that my next trek to the west coast should be in September, so I'll probably get to meet up with her. woohoo! I'm already regretting the massive hangover if we get a chance to go out.

Anywho, I've got to get back to sleep... just wanted to post it here for the world to see. g'night.

More shameless self-promotion

Ok, get it out of the way... go here for my first honest-to-goodness interview:

http://www.brokenfrontier.com/lowdown/details.php?id=430

It's a two-parter, so if you go soon, you'll have to check back in on Monday for round two.

Kieron was just a swell gyuy all around. It was an email interview, which made my work easy. Type questions, send them, receive answers, cut and paste. I guess I should say I slaved over the article, but sometime's I'm honest to a point. Still, those questions... I fuckin' nailed those questions.

I ended up chatting him up a bit on IM later, and he may use one of my eamils in the letter page of the actual comic. I'll let you know if that turns out to be a true statement. Because, frankly, I won't shut up about it.

Today I have another conference call with Marvel Comics. If all goes well, I should have a summary typed up, and it may be posted tomorrow.

Ok, enough wanking off.

I know that some of you out there that read this page from time to time are probably rather happy with themselves that they still have a team in the world cup. Well, go right to hell, jerk(s). Germany was milking the clock and payed for it. They had already set their minds on going to a shootout that they forgot they have to finish overtime play first. dumbasses. I was very shocked and disappointed. The girlfriend - being italian - isn't quite as upset.

So, I guess I'll be pulling for France this weekend. At least I can say I know some people who live there.

Anyway... that's all for now