I have an anger issue

PLeas read the post below this one first, as it was written before this one and is a better review of the state of all things dirty and bacon.

I'll wait.

no, seriously, read that first.

ok.

Lately, and lately being several months, I've really been a miserable bitch. What really has been going on is lots of anger. I seem to fly off the handle at every little thing. I wish I was over-exaggerating when I say this, but the truth is that there's something amiss. I just don't know what it is.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, so if I did, well, consider this an update.

I've been going to the gym regularly, and while I do want to get in better shape, the REAL reason I joined up was to try to get some of my frustrations out. I don't know, I just don't seem to be in my happy place here of lately. I mean, I'm probably more successful now then I have ever been in my life. (probably? definitely!) But am I measuring success correctly? i mean, out of debt, able to afford luxuries AND groceries.. not too shabby. Respected (stop laughing) at my job? successful.
And yet, shit has been getting to me.
I'm sure I have no one to blame but myself, and I think the biggest culprit is poor time management. I mean, I can't blame anyone else for draining so much free time into computer games. And the trouble is I like that I'm a gamer. i am very comfortable in my geekdom. My walls are second-generation plasma, with forcefields built in. the guards who man the lasers in the turrets of my personal kingdom all gained their mutant powers when puberty set in. (If that makes sense to you, you are welcome in the kingdom of Geek anytime).
BUT, I thnk I need to put some time to further my real life goals. what's that you say, family talk? hell no. that's not what I mean by real life goals. i mean that writing thing I complain I don't do, then never do. I need to start doing that again.
If anything, I think it will help me sort some of the shit going around my head.

In some of my darkest moments, I've felt as if my mind just had too much piled into it. A huge wait of daydreams, and ideas, and work-related plans, and stress, and music lyrics, and tech news... things I just keep shoveling in there. It's like going ot a big breakfast, when your body hasn't been properly emptied of the steak from the night before. (as graphic as that is, if you think about it, you know you understand). So, maybe I'm just backed up. And when I don't use some creative output (like what, you ask? you're looking at it), then it gets piled too high, and out comes the mental...well...shit.

I often try to think about seeing my father break down, and I don't ever rememebr it. He seemed to be so even, hndling things so well. And though I can't rememebr the hard times, there sure were some. We didn't have a house in the Hamptons or anything, plus there were two of us simoultaneoulsy, with another being put through college. ouch. I have trouble figuring where I'm gonna get the money for cat food sometimes. how'd they do it?

So, I've been trying to deal with my stress levels and trying to get my mind, body, and soul all sorted out. I've been rather unsuccessful to tell you the truth. Maybe I need Yoga, or meditiation, or to start smoking again. (Not serious on that last one) I don't know... I just need to get it together.

Ok, I know that was pretty deep and depressing, but it feels good to share. Thank's for listening.