ARGH!!! (Again)

Frustrated once again. I am currently in Hong Kong (Kowloon side) working. As usual, over the past few weeks, I have been asked by my company to move to Las Vegas, China, Hong Kong, India, and possibly several other countries/cities that I've forgotten about.

Mother Fuckers need to make up their minds.

Oh, wait, that's right. On top of this indecision, myt boss informed me that I needed to make up my mind. Hence the title of my post.

I am interested in moving overseas for a while, it's just such an exciting oppurtunity, but I've done this before. I'm pretty sure the only reason they want me to move overseas is because I have completely committed to moving to Las Vegas. I've told my friends, family, and peers. I psyched up the cats: "Who wants to move to Las Vegas... you do. Yes, you Do" *all said in applicable baby talk*

So they know that the time of the move is getting close, it's time for them to change their mind. It's starting to fuck with my head.

Today the boss is totally set for Hong Kong, and there is some appeal. I mean, it is a different culture, but a lot of the city is geared towards English, which helps in my transition. I am a bit dissappointed not to go to Shanghai, as there I would be much more immersed in another language - and would learn that language quicker, something I am desperate to do. But, it may be too much of a culture shock to do that all at once.

Of course, there is a lot of personal ways this would effect me, especially since my current relationship has made it clear that she will under no circumstances move outside the U.S. (unless it is someplace stupid, like Italy or *ugh* France). To me, I can't understand it, as for me I want to experience life abroad, but for her I guess not. At least she likes citie, so she can't hold Hong Kong aginst that. I can't help but wonder if this difference in opinion is an irrreconciable difference. It's not something I want to think about, but if we both view are futures at opposite sides of the Earth, well that IS an issue.

Of course, tomorrow the opinion may change and they'll want me in vegas again. I'm sick of feeling like crap over decisions I have to make, hard facts of life I must face, then have them dashed against the rocks of uncertainty - or worse yet, thrown in my face. That's something I will not stand for.

And why wouldn't I want to live abroad? I love my family, and am rediculously close to my sister - we shared a womb after all. Buit they're family, and they'll be around. AT least they'll eventually be guilted into visiting.

My U.S. friends? They can't make the hour drive to Philly, they won't visit me wherever I am. I'm growing more distant from them because of it. It's more my fault then any, I don't call or visit either. My best friend I talk via cyberspace, and we'll always be close, no matter where I am. He falls under family.

The friends I am closest to, it feels like, they all live abroad anyway. France, Belgium... these are people I wish I could hang out with everyday, but the distance is far too great. But their inherent geekiness is much more in line then my old school drinking buddies.

No man is an island, so it's hard to move even for me, but it's a huge world out there, and I want to taste all it has to offer. And, the one deep dark secret I know: You can take the man outta Mertztown, but you can't take the Mertztown outta the man. words to live by.

Lastly, a quick shout out to "Felix" who commented last entry. Not sure who you are, but thanks for stopping by. Pull up a pillow and stay a while, all are welcome my friend.

[An band I am really enjoying right now: Yeasayer. Very "world" sounding, and perfect for efficient Asian hotels]