The Most Unchristmas..

I don't know if everyone else in the world is feeling totally Yuletide, but I sure as hell am not. I don't know what it is, but this just doesn't feel like the Holiday season at all. Maybe it's the fact that I get, like, zero days off. Or maybe the lack of snow. I don't know. I mean, I accomplished 95% of my shopping in one day. Unheard of. Plus, finally got a tree (under a week to go!) and it only took about 5 minutes to pick a tree. This is down from the hour last year. I just don't feel it.
I want to wake up, eyes blistery, barely awake, go look out the window, see 10 feet of snow, and realize I won't have to go to work. Maybe then it will be semi-chritmasy, but this shit just doesn't do it right now.

Every year I am pretty damn proud of the stuff I buy. I mean, I usually take my gifts to friends and family knowing that they'll really be getting something special from me. Or at least a gag-gift. This year,the majority of my gifts have uses, nay usefulness, and I just feel like the whole thing has the stench of tube socks. I think one problem is that I am lacking any real coveted gift this season, and therefore have no driving force to wow anyone else. Sure, I need a new computer, and that 360 thing that no one can get their hands on would be pretty neat, but I can do without them for now. I don't know, maybe everything will go horribly wrong: car careems off the side of a cliff, presents in the trunk, killing an elderly woman's dog. As I try to run for help, I become short of breath with a nasty side-sticker. As I fall to the ground panting, assured that Christmas is entirely doomed, I hear a slight twinkling off in the distance. Suddenly, a bus draws up alongside the rode. The door opens with the sound of chritmas carols and the smell of gingerbread cookies. Suddenly, there, dressed all in red: the head cheerleader of the San Diego Cheerleading squad. She comes over to me, her footsteps muffled in the freshly fallen snow, she reaches down, grabs my hand, pulls me up, and kisses me deeply. Then, she stops, pulls her head back, looks me deep in the eyes, and slaps me across the face.
"Stop being such a little bitch. It's the holidays for fuck's sake." Then she goes back to the bus and I hear the giggling of girls mid pillow fight as it pulls away. a true Christmas miracle.

Oh, and the dog isn't really dead, but miraculously dodged the falling vehicle.

Anyway, I do hope that anyone who should be out there walking around and stuble and trip over this tiny little blog would have the merriest of christmases.
And may the New Year find you and your healthy, wealthy, and wise!